Be the Coroner

[coronersAssistant]

-====> Be the coroner

You don't need to BE THE CORONER as you are already the CORONER, you are always the CORONER. Today you are studying the body of HENRIETTA, one of your beautiful HENS, who has unfortunately been BRUTALLY TORN APART. You try not to shed a tear as you DOCUMENT the the state of REMAINS, and the bloody paw prints surrounding the perimeter in your TRUSTY NOTEBOOK.

-====> Catch the murderer

Oh why you couldn't possibly do that, that's not your job. Though you will be sure to inform your DAD on this MONSTROSITY of a scene at dinner.

You CAPTACHLOGUE your NOTEBOOK and PEN.

NOTEBOOK
0+0+0+0+4+0+0+3
=7

PEN
2+0+0
=2

-====> Introduce yourself

You are MORRIE HAPSNAP, aspiring CORONER, and a VERY NICE PERSON. You live on a LARGE FARM in ALBERTA, CANADA, with your DAD and BRO. Your DAD tends to be VERY STRICT, though you assume he has his fatherly reasons. Your BRO is pretty weird, he doesn't always talk english and gives you posters of BRIGHTLY COLOURED PONIES, not that you're complaining.

You like EVERYTHING, and tend to avoid DANGEROUS SITUATIONS. You try to make friends with EVERYONE, including the farm animals, which you take care of. You are in charge of the CHICKENS, COWS, DUCKS and your very own HORSE. Your HORSE'S name is GIDDYTROT, a dashingly attractive MARE, and one of your BEST FRIENDS. Speaking of FRIENDS, you have a good amount of them, mostly ONLINE.

You are a MUTE, meaning you can't speak. Because of this you know AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE.

When not talking to FRIENDS or taking care of the ANIMALS, you like to ride GIDDYTROT, make believe you are a CORONER, read MYSTERY NOVELS and other VARYING TEXTS on murders and CORONERS, explore the corn field, or adventure with your NEIGHBOUR ARON.

What will you do?

[panchromaticRhythm]

Morrie: QUICKLY RETRIEVE ARMS FROM GIDDYTROT'S STABLE

[coronersAssistant]

-====> QUICKLY RETRIEVE ARMS FROM GIDDYTROT'S STABLE

No need to yell, geez. GIDDYTROT'S STABLE is conveniently located inside the barn, which is right next to the CHICKEN COOP. You probably should get rid of HENRIETTA'S body, but you feel the strong urge to retrieve ARMS from the STABLE. You make sure no CHICKENS get out of the fenced area as you are leaving, you lock the GATE behind you.

You enter the BARN and greet your three DAIRY COWS; MAGGY, DARLA, and IRENE. DARLA moos at you and you happily pat her nose. GIDDYTROT is not in her stable, as you let her roam the GRASSY FIELD when the weather is good. Sometimes she follows you around the farm, but you have not seen her since early that morning. You remove INFINITE ARMS by BAND OF HORSES from your ANCIENT CD PLAYER. INFINITE ARMS, or ARMS, is one of your favourite ALBUMS by one of your favourite BANDS. You have listened to the CD and INFINITE amount of times.

-====> Captchalogue INFINITE ARMS

You CAPTCHALOGUE the CD. You use an ASL MODUS, your DAD bought it for you as a BIRTHDAY PRESENT a few years ago. You're glad it's FAIRLY SIMPLE, unlike some MODUSES. You CAPTCHALOGUE the CD as INFINITE ARMS, you have to shape every letter, each letter is valued by how many fingers you hold up while signing it, the values are then ADDED, if the number is higher then the amount of cards you have, it is DIVIDED BY TWO, then rounded down if it's a decimal. If you try to CAPTCHALOGUE something that has the same value as something already in the SYLADEX, the original object gets DESTROYED and REPLACED.

INFINITE ARMS
1+0+3+1+0+1+0+0+1+2+0+0
=9

You don't have anything else in the ninth card of your SYLLADEX, the CD fits comfortably.

[panchromaticRhythm]

Morrie: EXAMINE CONTENTS OF NEARBY FOOTLOCKER

[coronersAssistant]

-====> Morrie: EXAMINE CONTENTS OF NEARBY FOOTLOCKER

Again with the yelling! What FOOTLOCKER are you even talking about, why would you own a FOOTLOCKER, that's absurd! Not that you have anything against FOOTLOCKERS. Maybe you mean the STORAGE ROOM, it's where you keep GIDDYTROTS care items and equipment, milking buckets, and other items you would use in the BARN. The STORAGE ROOM is heated so the leather doesn't crack. This is very different from the STORAGE SHED.

You ENTER the STORAGE ROOM, you always make sure to CHECK the state, and ensure no ITEMS are MISSING. Not that things go missing very often, you just like to be ORGANISED.

You sign;
NOTEBOOK
0+0+0+0+4+0+0+3
=7

and

PEN
2+0+0
=2

The ITEMS drop pleasantly into your free hand and you turn to the STORAGE ROOM CHECK LIST. Also, you write in pink.
*** <3 STORAGE ROOM CHECK LIST <3 ***
ITEM-AMOUNT-CONDITION
>HELMET X1 EXCELLENT
>RIDING BOOTS X2 OK
>COWBOY HAT X1 GOOD
>SADDLE X1 GOOD
>BRIDLE X1 GOOD
>HALTER X1 EXCELLENT
>DANDY BRUSH X1 OK
>MANE BRUSH X1 EXCELLENT
>CURRY COMB X1 OK
>HOOF PICK X1 GOOD
>HORSE BLANKET X1 OK
>HAIR TIES X50 GOOD
>BOWS X20 EXCELLENT
>SPONGE X3 OK
>HOOF POLISH X3 EXCELLENT
>COAT SHINE X1 GOOD
>COAT DETERGENT X1 GOOD
>TAIL AND MANE GEL X2 GOOD
>HORSE SHAMPOO X5 EXCELLENT
>RUBBER GLOVES X2 OK
>BUCKETS X6 OK
>PUMPKIN X1 EXCELLENT

Everything seems to be in order. Wait. What pumpkin? There's no pumpkin in here.

Crap.

Something else isn't right. Your PAN FLUTE is on the COUNTER. The PAN FLUTE does not belong in the STORAGE ROOM. This is a monstrosity. Both the PUMPKIN and PAN FLUTE have been misplaced. Maybe the PUMPKIN is where you keep your PAN FLUTE, your room.

You CAPTCHALOGUE the PAN FLUTE.
You make sure to sign it as INSTRUMENT or else it would equal nine and destroy your ARMS.

INSTRUMENT
1+0+0+0+2+2+0+0+0+0
=5

[panchromaticRhythm]

Morrie: SQUEAL LIKE A PIG AND UNORGANISE EVERYTHING

[coronersAssistant]

-====>Morrie: SQUEAL LIKE A PIG AND UNORGANISE EVERYTHING

That's HORRIFYING.
The UNORGANISE EVERYTHING part.
Not the PIG part.
You love PIGS.
You love PIGS so much, you do in fact squeal like a PIG.

The fit of GIGGLES that follow squealing like a PIG, prevent you from having a PANIC ATTACK caused from the unreasonably LOUD thought of UNORGANISING EVERYTHING.

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